Monday, 29 July 2013

Looking at Ourselves through Relationships

Relationships always bring challenges in their own way - be it with spouse, children, parents, siblings, friends or in-laws. At a certain point of time any relationship might show us the mirror, making us crazy enough to wish if only we had chosen another spouse, another sibling, another couple as parents or in-laws. How we wish to replace everything and everyone around us, chasing an ideal situation in our mind in which we crave for. Why did he/she become a part of my life? Everything was perfect when he/she was not there...I wish I had never chosen him/her...if only he/she had followed my advice...he/she is to be blamed for crumbling up my goes on! It feels so good! It empowers the ego. It justifies our point that we were never wrong and it is this one person who made our life upside down. Wow!! Blaming gives so much of relief!

Has our ballooned ego ever allowed us to see the purpose of that relationship? Have we ever looked at a relationship as a story whose moral we still haven't understood? Why do we exist together? Why do relationships exist? If it’s our journey, why did we need so many people around us? Why can't we be alone and enjoy all the abundance the way we want? Each relation, each person around us only shows us what we refused to accept in our own selves. We are involved in each other's growth. We are assisting each other each moment, helping our whole evolve bit by bit. The conscious awareness is now drifting towards oneness. We find it more difficult to ignore the ones who bring challenges in our journey. Our inner voice drags our mind to the same person or incident so that the moral is found and the lesson imbibed.
How can we forgive them? How can we forget what they said or did? If we get entangled in the incidents and words, we can never get wary of blaming and criticizing them. What the relationship is showing us is what we refuse to accept within.

Why is my spouse not loving and caring? My friend's husband takes her out for dinners and holidays, she lives like a celebrity...My husband should learn from him...

Points to ponder:
Do we love ourselves? Do we appreciate ourselves enough? How many times do we regret our choices and judge ourselves of being less than the other?

My children never listen to me. My teen has started back-answering me. My toddler just doesn't follow my instructions. My child behaves weird in front of others. My adolescent is showing mood swings...

Points to ponder:
Are we imposing ourselves on our children? Are we trying to fulfil what we lack through them? Are we trying to live our dreams through them? Are we trying to make their life easy because we learnt the hard way or vice versa? Are we controlling them much to suffocate their energies? Are we depriving them of their freedom? Do we really know why we do what we do as a parent? BEWARE-what we convey becomes their inner voice. They follow and imitate us.

My parents love my sibling more. I am the elder one, I should be respected. I am responsible for my sibling in absence of my parents so I must control him or stop him from going wrong....And, if I am the younger one, I'm always treated like a child. My elder bro/sister is treated as the more responsible one. I am never loved and my parents are biased...

Points to ponder:
How many times in a day do we judge ourselves? Do we feel the need to prove ourselves better in order to attract attention? Are we comparing ourselves with others? Do we believe we are less than others?

My in-laws are weird. I was never conditioned to live in such an environment. My life has been different. I deserve more joy more abundance more growth and much love and acceptance. They never valued me. They never understood me!

Points to ponder:
Do we understand our true being? Are we adaptable to changes? How many of us can easily come out of our comfort zone and be ready to accept whatever comes our way in order to allow the magic to flow into our being? Have we defined a limit for ourselves? Are we open to receiving? How often do we define our ideal situation?

My daughter-in-law is so insecure. She is trying to mould everything her way. She is instigating my son against me. She is trying to defame me. She never values my love. She is trying to control my house.

Points to ponder:
How do we define our identity? Is managing my house my identity? Is she taking away 'my' son from me? Have I received love only through my children? Has my son been the pillar of my strength? Do I fear losing love/abundance/my identity to her? Have I accepted myself unconditionally? Am I trying to stop love from coming to me? Does love make me weak?

My sister-in-law doesn't leave space for me. I am not accepted in this family because of her interference and presence. She took away my love. She doesn't let me receive love of my parents-in-law. She is an obstruction. She is hopeless, and has nothing to do other than gossiping and spreading ill about me.

Points to ponder:
Do we see the deep seated guilt of holding on to love, trying to possess it whenever we received it, obstructing the flow of love? Do we feel guilty of landing up in a space which was never ours since childhood and suddenly becoming the priority for our spouse, side-lining all other relationships he/she had? Are we insecure of the fact that the family we believed to be ours has abruptly disowned us, tied us to a stranger and suddenly our emotional, spiritual and mental being is lost? Have we ridiculed our being? Has the fear of disconnecting from our roots crept into our core?

Every relationship is trying to pull our attention within. Our reality is our thought projection. Each soul who is attracted by us is helping us fly higher. Every soul is an angel bringing back the part of us we lost when we deviated from our essence. Each soul is making us complete. Each one is filled with love & brimming us with love too. Love inevitably comes to us through everything around us. Love is our core. We can never deny it. It is only when we distort the flow of love that we experience negativities in different forms through different sources. Each one of us is love. Everything around us is love. Love nurtures. Love helps growth. Love is abundant. Love is abundance....and so am I! 
- Kirti Narang